Again I was not consistent with my journaling, This time lasted only for 2 months, not even 2 months.
Absence for over a year, a lot of things I have gone through. 2018 although for others might be the best year, for me it is the best and yet the hardest year I’ve been, emotionally and financially.
Spiritually, I felt dried. I felt that God really was not talking to me. I scream, cried, even worshipped my heart out but He was silence. No idea what I should do to get out of my situation.
The only thing that I know and remember that I ask God to remind me to hang on to Him whenever things are going bad and He did that and just that. I remember this all the time for the whole 2018, although I can’t see a way out and heard nothing from Him.
Tho, this doesn’t mean that He is not there nor not speaking to me at all. It just that I am now mature enough to know that He is always there and I will do my best to the best of my knowledge of my situation until He came and showed me the light at the end of the tunnel.
As far as I know, this too shall pass and late 2018 is when God started showing me what He has in store for me.
When I rented this house, I planned to have 4 rooms rented. I thought it would be easy as all the room is amazing but apparently, that’s not happening. From July 2017 I only rented out 2 rooms and that will only cover half of the rent and thus, I decided that I needed to find ways to earn more income. I went back to do more UberX and UberEats delivery.
Now, at the time when I thought that I am going to have 3 rooms rented after only rented 2 rooms until half of 2018, one of the girls requested to move out at the time the third room rented. One in and one out. Back to square one, only 2 rooms rented.
I decided that no matter what, I will not complain about whatever God put me into. Boy, it was hard. Many times I cried, many times I felt lost but still, the one keeping me sane was that saying that I ask Him to remind me to hang on to Him no matter what.
Late 2018 I got confirmation that the third room is rented starting from Jan 2019. For the whole year, God tested me, I didn’t budge to complain, only gratitude coming out of my mouth.
He is a good God, all the time. And all the time, He is a good God.
Today, the third room is rented and I am in talk with someone that it might look like the fourth room may be confirmed. Fingers crossed and whatever is God’s will, His will be done and I will always be grateful.
He is teaching me for the past 1.5 years about characters and He is moulding me to be the best person I can be. I am yet to be there but I am a work in progress and I am proud to be called His perfect work in progress because He called me by name.
Although, I haven’t heard Him talking to me again, I know He is around. I can feel His presence everyday. Although I didn’t read the Bible often, it doesn’t mean that He is not here with me.
I want to say that I will read Bible or I will pray for one hour continuously but heck, I can’t and I will not let myself be judged because of what I do because I know God loves me no matter what and He knows that I am doing my best to makes Him happy.
Christianity for me is not about religion nor liturgy, a procedure you should follow. And if you’re not following to the dot, you will be banned and doomed.
My God is not like that. He is a God of love. As He said, Faith Hope and Love and the biggest of them all is Love.
I am content of who I am because I know that He loves me just the way I am. Yet, He disciplined me when I did wrong but still He picks me up again when I fall.
It is all about characters, mindset, integrity, and most of all, Love. Unconditional love. A love that I would never be able to comprehend as a human and yet I am lucky enough to have it from Him.
It is not finish yet. Writing this down is not about boasting that things is starting to go my way or at least to the right track. No, far away about that.
Writing this is all about Him. All the experiences I have so far, always lead me to Him and only about Him. All these leave traces of His marks, very subtle but yet He is near. It is all about Him.
#GodisCEO #AboutHIM #ForHIM
God, this is my gratitude to You. For everything that You have done in my life. Nothing beats the feeling that I feel right now. I am overwhelmed by Your love.
I know that no matter what, You are always here by my side. Although You don’t speak to me, I know that You will always keep me safe. Everything is going to be okay.
Jesus, I thanked Thee for being You. Thank you for helping me to see myself the way You see me. Full of blemishes but yet full of grace that You called me Brother and friend.
I will have to say good night for now. Hope to see and talk to you again tomorrow.